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I am so over this. For real. Everyday walking in to work and knowing that the people in charge HATE ME. I get put in the worst rooms, I get the most annoying doctors. And there is nothing where it should be, no room is stocked and everyday, this fucked up hospital tells me exactly what I did wrong. No computers, no internet, just paper. It fucking sucks, and no FUCKING WAY am I resigning, no matter how amazing New York is. And it is amazing.

It seems like every single person at Bath Israel is a lazy immigrant. But, yet, they have all the annoying traits of those fucking people who where better than me in school. So, they run around and are efficient at paperwork- good for them, Fuck them. They are shitty nurses, they have no critical thinking skills, they just have fucking great memories in their tiny asian brains. And maybe the staff can just tell that I am a bigot, but seriously, they hate me. One girl refused to work with me. Another just did not come back from lunch and the front desk allowed it.

And why can I ignore Leigha for almost a year, but I cannot stop emailing/texting Chris for like, a fucking month? What a weak bitch I am.

I feel like doing something dramatic, something extraordinary. Like dangerous. Maybe it is the time to key cars- if not New York, then where. I also want a hug, and for someone to tell me I am a good person. The dichotomy, I either want to be reassured that I am good or justified in being bad.

And on that note, I am going to drink vodka like it is my job, which is much more fun that my actual job
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