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You run out of the dark place, and as soon as you get out you go right back in� Its somewhat comical really, to swoop into and out of the darkness.� To take all of these steps forward and then take some back. �Iapos;m so proud of you for teh good choices youapos;ve made lately.� Just one silly choice� is all, one tiny string left untied.� �If you tighten it, you will find strength beyond your wildest imagniations. �

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Why is it that when i start chatting with you, you always are busy or doing something and all that. Well it could really be true but every time already even at nights or on a sunday? or are you just annoyed by me sending you ym messages...you used to send some notes regarding my status but it has been months since the last one. Well, i guess nothing is really happening and all is lost. I hope i can set my mind and heart with that.

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I hope the more centrist part of the party band together to take down the "base" of wingnuts that have driven their party into the ground so we can push some of this brazen insanity out of mainstream politics.

Iapos;m not saying that all is forgiven for Powellapos;s collusion with the wingnuts to conquer the Middle East or his role in Haiti and other poor brown and black nations but I feel like if anything he does put "country first" in a way that McPalin never has. He did his dirt of course but I think at his core he is a descent man.

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Inderkumapos;s homecoming was pretty lame. I mean the music wasnapos;t bumpinapos;. And plus, I didnapos;t really dance with a lot of different people. Just the people that I knew, like Sam, Steph, Valerie, Brittany, Melissa, Regina, Nikki, Molly, Shaun, and yeah, that was it haha. Oh, Julian was there too, but freak that guy wouldnapos;t dance haha. Anthony was there too, but I didnapos;t dance with him haha, heapos;s whipped JK >.<
All I really did was walk around with Valerie, sometimes with Stephanie and just like watch the people and either dance or talk about how ridiculous they look haha. We sat down at times, and those times I was thinking, thinking about the pros and cons about having a boyfriend. One, you can be them at homecoming and dance with them, slow dance too. Two, you get to hold thier hand and let everyone know that itapos;s your man. But the bad thing is that, I probably wouldnapos;t have been able to dance with as many people if I had a boyfriend. But I donapos;t know, still contemplating. I was just sad and happy at the same time. Still in tht phase hahah. But Iapos;m trying my best to get out of that phase and you know....move on. Chickens, okay, time to shower

*Reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck P. Was a little uncomfortable haha. I didnapos;t know what to say about it. I donapos;t recommend it for people to read, but you can read anyway and see what you think about it. :]
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The universe has to hear this.

I absolutely cannot watch the drummer from The Veronicas. She (is it a she??) looks like Animal from the Muppets. All arms everywhere. Such a messy haphazard drummer... I donapos;t know why, but that drummer has ALWAYS made me so incredibly uncomfortable, annoyed and ... Urghghh.. I just hate that drummer. Iapos;ve felt this way for a very long time but never said anything really to anyone, itapos;s just that theyapos;re performing on the ARIAs tonight that I know I might get someone to agree with me :P

Grrr. Get a new drummer.

Anyway, back to watching the ARIAs.
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Last night, Lawyerette and I had an inadvertent big gay date. Of course there were obvious issues - Iapos;m married to Pink and Lawyerette is decidedly straight. Regardless, we had dinner at Wilde Roast. Their Date Night Special is some sort of best kept secret. Twenty-five dollars you buys you a pizza and a salad (or two pizzas or two salads) and two bottomless glasses of wine. The wine isnapos;t spectacular, but itapos;s perfectly drinkable table wine (and appeared to be from a bottle with a cork if thatapos;s reassuring to you). Then we went to see Jihad for Love, a documentary about being gay in Muslim countries, at the Heights as part of Miznaapos;s 5th Annual Film Festival. Pretty depressing, but it had a few moments of levity. I had an excellent time. I stayed up too late. I plan to stay up too late tonight, too. Napping on deck for this afternoon.

Of course, Iapos;ve been thinking about the ENCORE defeat of aught eight. Iapos;m not doing a very good job at processing it. I need to acknowledge my disappointment and move on but itapos;s turning out to be way hard. I suppose itapos;s been less then twenty-four hours. It does strike me, though, that I donapos;t usually get quite this upset when I fail. I wonder if that means Iapos;m not really putting myself out there for the things I care about. Is it possible that somewhere along the way I started living a fearful life?

Enough navel gazing for one day. See you all soon. I hope to be drinking.

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Q: You called Senator Biden, you called McCain. Did you also call Governor Palin?
McCORMACK: No. If you hadnrsquo;t noticed, shersquo;s a governor. Not a senator or a congressman.
Q: Shersquo;s a vice presidential candidate.
McCORMACK: Right.
Q: She also has extensive foreign affairs experience. (LAUGHTER)
McCORMACK: Right. I explained to you the reasoning behind the phone call.
Q: Maybe if this has to do with Russia, you would have called her.

Watch it:


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Iapos;ve kind of worked my butt off today and I really should still be doing stuff but Iapos;ve no chocolate and I am losing the plot a�bit.� Iapos;ve written a facilitator guide, a slide pack and a participant guide as well as countless Visio drawings.� Good working, not bad.� Of course, I drove a couple of hundred clicks because it wouldnapos;t be a normal day if I didnapos;t.

House messy.� Beyond belief, really.� I havenapos;t even been here.� It appears strewn with cat crunchies and (clean) kitty litter so theyapos;ve obviously had some kind of party while Iapos;ve been in Melbourne.

The cats are going on a three day holiday on Saturday, to Julieapos;s house The Pounce Inn.� I have to go run a workshop in Chirnside Park and I really canapos;t stand the thought of leaving them for that long, with only an intermittant cat-feeder.� So at least theyapos;ll have conversation and attention at her place.

Tonightapos;s question is, since I have been away most of this week, should I sleep in the lounge and let Sam sleep on my head?� Or not?

-The pros - he will feel a bit more secure.� Flash will suffer less bullying than usual.

-The con - he will dance on my face and knead my entire body with his talons and then try to knock over the irreplaceable Swedish horse at about 4.37am in the morning.� I might or might not awake in time to stop him spraying something.

Decisions, decisions.

Heapos;s actually a bit over-excited tonight.� Scarily so.� Much as I love him, I think we might just have to be business as usual, else I wonapos;t sleep properly, worrying about what the fat, waddling sh*t will do to me and my horse in the wee hours.

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I am so over this. For real. Everyday walking in to work and knowing that the people in charge HATE ME. I get put in the worst rooms, I get the most annoying doctors. And there is nothing where it should be, no room is stocked and everyday, this fucked up hospital tells me exactly what I did wrong. No computers, no internet, just paper. It fucking sucks, and no FUCKING WAY am I resigning, no matter how amazing New York is. And it is amazing.

It seems like every single person at Bath Israel is a lazy immigrant. But, yet, they have all the annoying traits of those fucking people who where better than me in school. So, they run around and are efficient at paperwork- good for them, Fuck them. They are shitty nurses, they have no critical thinking skills, they just have fucking great memories in their tiny asian brains. And maybe the staff can just tell that I am a bigot, but seriously, they hate me. One girl refused to work with me. Another just did not come back from lunch and the front desk allowed it.

And why can I ignore Leigha for almost a year, but I cannot stop emailing/texting Chris for like, a fucking month? What a weak bitch I am.

I feel like doing something dramatic, something extraordinary. Like dangerous. Maybe it is the time to key cars- if not New York, then where. I also want a hug, and for someone to tell me I am a good person. The dichotomy, I either want to be reassured that I am good or justified in being bad.

And on that note, I am going to drink vodka like it is my job, which is much more fun that my actual job
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